Domestic violence affects children, women, men, families and the community. Many times, it goes unnoticed by outsiders, but the problem remains, and the results can be catastrophic for all those involved, said Dr. Julie Hayden, COO of Rhombus Counseling.
Rhombus Counseling has physical locations in La Mesa, Chula Vista and Poway, but also serves Lakeside, Alpine and Campo with livestream as these underserved population do not usually have access to domestic violence services.
Rhombus Counseling is a for profit counseling services founded with her husband, CEO Ray Hayden. Julie Hayden is on the Board of Directors for New Vision Counseling, a non-profit organization that serves anyone that needs help with domestic violence. The couple are both therapists at both locations.
Julie Hayden said at Rhombus Counseling domestic violence offenders and victims attend a 52-week course that teaches healthy relationships, parenting, how to manage anger and emotions.
“They go through this whole year program so in the end they have better ways to be in relationships, both intimate parts of their relationships, with children and with family members,” she said.
She said most of the time people that come to them are required to do so from court, probation, parole, and Child Welfare Services. She said though many of them are required to attend, many people self-enroll themselves into the program.
“We have times when someone is made to come, then the spouses come voluntarily because they see the value of the groups in the education that they are getting,” she said.
Hayden said classic signs of domestic violence is isolation where a person because of the relationship does not keep contact with other family members, friends, church and activities.
“If it is a healthy relationship, they should be able to have a relationship and still be in connection with everybody,” she said. “If they start separating from everybody which may be more difficult to recognize with COVID-19, that would be harder because people are isolated. But it is a classic sign of domestic violence when they cannot communicate with anybody they were before.”
Hayden said both domestic violence and child abuse are on the rise during the COVID pandemic. She said part of reason is that domestic violence is not always someone who has always been violent in the past.
“It could be where stress level is increased and then they go too far or very commonly substances, like alcohol, drug use, even weed which people do not realize,” she said. “Sometimes those substances would turn a person violent even if they were not violent normally. When you have that increased stress like they are going through now, they are kind of trapped. They are with families. They get on your nerves and they are seeing an increase in people going as far as violence. We have seen an increase because of those reasons.”
Hayden said for anyone experiencing violence or abuse she believes there is hope, help and it is important to understand that a person is not alone. She said even though domestic violence gets much more attention now, it is quite common for a person to feel that it is unique to them. So, they keep it a secret and never reach out for help.
“With domestic violence they feel like something terrible will happen,” she said. “Their kids will be taken away or they might even be killed. They think there is a great danger, which sometimes there is. So, they stay stuck.”
Hayden said it is important for people to realize that thee is help out there, places to go with protection to get out of a violent relationship, and that there are many people in this kind of situation and there is a way out.
Hayden said the Family Justice Center in San Diego is a helpful one-stop-shop with many resources, and South Bay Community Services in Chula Vista is extremely helpful in working with the victims of domestic violence.
“Our agency tries to be ready for anybody that needs help. We have to agencies. Rhombus Counseling is for-profit and New Vision Counseling in non-profit. So, we can basically help anybody,” she said.
Hayden said research has proven that watching and being a part of a family with domestic violence, the thing seen overall is the increased stress levels of parents and children. She said science has proven that this level of stress changes brain development in children, putting them at risk for many problems in adult life. They can become involved in their own domestic violence situation, substance abuse, go to jail. Hayden said the list of problems in long.
“Parents think that they are doing it for their kids, and they stay together with whatever is going on and they do not count the stress,” she said. “Their kids might not be physically beaten but the stress level in the home when domestic violence is happening. Even when it is not physical, it can be controlling, and it can really damage the brain development in their children and parents do not recognize that.”
Hayden said many parents that go through its program immediately change their parenting style or get out of an unhealthy relationship when they realize the affect it has on their children.
