As we enter the month of February with the celebration of Valentine’s Day, thoughts naturally tend toward the love that is in our lives. Therefore this month I’ve chosen the theme of “The Value of Connective Relationships” and for the first Sunday in the month the topic is Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves. My research includes information from Marshall Rosenberg’s iconic book: “Nonviolent Communication, a Language of Life” as well as Deepak Chopra’s teachings.
I trust the premise is accepted by most that we cannot give what we do not have. We say in our church, “Giving and receiving are circular flows, as I give so do I receive”. If we desire to experience more love in our lives, we must first start with self love. Through the course of moving from childhood to adulthood, many of us are trained to subconsciously blame and shame ourselves for perceived wrongdoings.
Rosenberg states: “In our language there is a word with enormous power to create shame and guilt. This violent word which we commonly use to evaluate ourselves is so deeply ingrained in our consciousness that many of us would have trouble imagining how to live without it. It is the word “should” as in “I should have known better” or “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Judging, accessing, blaming and shaming ourselves clouds what would simply be called a “mistake” into dire and dastardly deeds. Rather than shaming ourselves, we have a choice to learn the lesson from the mistake and move on. Removing blame and shame from our own shoulders leaves us available to have compassion and acceptance of others actions.
Say with me: “Today I choose to have compassion and self-forgiveness for my wrongdoings and in this process am much more open to having compassion and forgiveness of others. I love myself the way I am and still I need to grow, which I do with ease and grace. And it is so.”
